We can’t help but love jokes from dad no matter how corny or silly they are. Whenever you ask your dad a question, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you will get a clever response back.
In order to celebrate dads this year, we gathered 50 father’s day jokes – you know, things dads say, silly comebacks from fathers—because it’s not a funny father’s day unless jokes are involved.
Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
I asked my dad to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?
Voice: This is my father.
Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.
Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
There’s a big difference between bad jokes and dad jokes. And that difference is the first letter.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches
A: A nervous wreck
Dad Wisdom: I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.
Dad: Hi, Sweetie, how was school today?
Daughter: You can read all about it on my Facebook, Dad!
Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on
Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Dad Wisdom: Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
Dad: I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro, it’s a total rip-off.
Dad: Let me see your report card.
Son: I don’t have it.
Dad: Why not?
Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
“While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes, my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, “You.”
Dad: How old is your father?
Child: As old as me.
Dad: How it is that possible?
Child: He became a father only when I was born.
My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.
Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
Dad Wisdom: I had a dream about a muffler last night ... I woke up exhausted!
Son: Dad, I’m hungry.
Dad: Hello, Hungry, I’m Dad.
Son: Dad, I’m serious.
Dad: I thought you were Hungry?
You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the garage sales.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on?
Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.
I’m laying in bed reading a book when my dad walks in with a tape measure. About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek. I ask him, “What are you doing?” He responds, “I’m measuring your patience.”
Every year, after it turns 12:00 AM on January 1st, my dad makes the same exact jokes. “Where’s your mother, I haven’t seen her ALL YEAR!” “Man, I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten ALL YEAR!!” “WOW, we’ve been watching this TV ALL YEAR!!”
Q: What did one ocean say to the shore?
A: Nothing. It just waved.
Happy Father’s Day to a dad that was smart enough to teach his kid to mow the lawn so he wouldn’t have to.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.
My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no", he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
Dad Wisdom: I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Q: Did you get a haircut?
A: No, I got them all cut.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Q: What’s the opposite of irony?
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.
Son: I’ll call you later.
Dad: Don’t call me Later, call me Dad.
Dad: What is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs?
Dad: This isn’t bologna, son, but a serious question.
Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye Matey!
Dad Wisdom: Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
Son: Hey, Dad, whats this movie about?
Dad: It’s about two hours.
Dad Wisdom: I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.
Son: Can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
Q: How do you take you coffee?
A: Seriously, very seriously.
Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Because the “p” is silent.
Did you know that Father’s Day was first celebrated on June 19, 1910, while Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908? Sonora Smart Dodd wanted a day to celebrate her father, a civil war veteran and single parent, who raised six children all by himself.
As you celebrate your dad this year, whether your dad’s jokes are funny or not, just laugh as loud as you can. They will appreciate it. And because fathers are not always easy to shop for, check out our Father’s Day best sellers. You can never go wrong with bourbon and BBQ.